The Division Between Relationship and Autonomy
Consciousness grows through the necessity to resolve conflict.
A core conflict experienced as early as 1 year old is the apparent opposition of the individual and the group. Pulled by one side and then the other, the child must struggle to realize they are not at odds but are two sides of one thing; an individual pea in a pot of peas.
Until this conflict is adequately resolved, the individual will waver from self to other and back again, constantly teetering on the razor’s edge of reason; how can it be both? If I am a member of a group I must agree with the group, but if I don’t agree I will be left out, rejected. And human consciousness at the group level has yet to resolve this divide which forces the individual to capitulate or isolate. Neither is a choice.
Trapped between the two, a chasm forms, that over time, deepens until the two sides are pushed further and further apart creating an insecure system. An insecure person, by definition, is one who is uncertain as to his identity. Such an individual, locked between the two sides of reality is incapable of seeing outside the narrow chasm his consciousness has formed within making him incapable of caring for another; the other can’t be seen as anything but a threat to his delicate balance.
Leaping into the void, recovery of self is possible, but it will appear to be a great risk. Many of us have memories of such risk taking. Often it will occur at puberty when the issue comes to the fore once again. If it wasn’t resolved earlier, here is another opportunity. Healthy rebellion is that chance.
At the dinner table my father routinely humiliated my younger brother. At one such dinner I couldn’t remain silent any longer to the abuse we’d all witnessed for years. My heart beating so hard I was sure it could be heard above the nervous clatter of silver ware, I spoke up for my brother. Father’s eyes glared into mine as I resolutely held my ground quaking.
I’ve not been more frightened since then, but I discovered the world didn’t end; everyone went back to their food and no more was said. But I had ventured into the void and survived. I was an individual and had not been sent to solitary confinement.
