Somewhere in the divide between opposites is a connector, and the connector is the Self or Soul, the light of which draws all together in harmony and balance.  One finds the Self in the effort to expand consciousness; to go beyond apparent conflict to resolution that does not diminish either side but mediates.

The Self mediating conflict.

I’ve been blessed that my dog and cat are best friends.  They chase one another around the furniture, the cat jumping up to the top of things where my dog pants from below waiting for the moment he knows his friend will jump down, and they’ll wrestle on the floor leaving piles of fur but never a nick in the skin of either. 

They are my model of resolution of difference. Each is programmed to hate the other and yet, being individuals, they choose to relate not as enemies but playmates.  And I, The Self, watch delighted, in hope for the world. 

In a post last week I spoke about the goddess Nemesis who is really a friend in the guise of an enemy.  When we are able to see in such a way, the world will be renewed; mankind will achieve its true potential.

A core conflict experienced as early as 1 year old is the apparent opposition of the individual and the group.  Pulled by one side and then the other, the child must struggle to realize they are not at odds but are two sides of one thing; an individual pea in a pot of peas.

Until this conflict is adequately resolved, the individual will waver from self to other and back again, constantly teetering on the razor’s edge of reason; how can it be both? If I am a member of a group I must agree with the group, but if I don’t agree I will be left out, rejected.  And human consciousness at the group level has yet to resolve this divide which forces the individual to capitulate or isolate.  Neither is a choice.

Trapped between the two, a chasm forms, that over time, deepens until the two sides are pushed further and further apart creating an insecure system.  An insecure person, by definition, is one who is uncertain as to his identity.  Such an individual, locked between the two sides of reality is incapable of seeing outside the narrow chasm his consciousness has formed within making him incapable of caring for another; the other can’t be seen as anything but a threat to his delicate balance.

Leaping into the void, recovery of self is possible, but it will appear to be a great risk.  Many of us have memories of such risk taking.  Often it will occur at puberty when the issue comes to the fore once again. If it wasn’t resolved earlier, here is another opportunity.  Healthy rebellion is that chance. 

At the dinner table my father routinely humiliated my younger brother.  At one such dinner I couldn’t remain silent any longer to the abuse we’d all witnessed for years.  My heart beating so hard I was sure it could be heard above the nervous clatter of silver ware, I spoke up for my brother. Father’s eyes glared into mine as I resolutely held my ground quaking. 

 I’ve not been more frightened since then, but I discovered the world didn’t end; everyone went back to their food and no more was said.  But I had ventured into the void and survived. I was an individual and had not been sent to solitary confinement.

At the level of instinct all herd animals, humans included, gather together for protection.  Which can appear to be concern for the other when it is merely a  survival technique.  Fish swim in schools, buffalo in herds, geese in flocks, etc. So what is the difference between the necessity to bond to be safe and a felt “com-passion” for another? Humans are not the only herd animal with this attribute; dogs and elephants are well-known for their compassion.                                                                                                             

Cats and other animals who are solitary in nature appear more distant and uncaring.  Though many cats I’ve known have exhibited a concern for emotional suffering, it is less common and we don’t associate them with that attribute. 

What is the worst punishment if not isolation, exile, being sent away, left out, rejected? Every child lives in terror of mother turning her back on them, and by school age, a human child will do almost anything to be accepted by the group.

Group pressure is responsible for some of the most gruesome acts perpetrated by man; the many examples of ethnic cleansing throughout history occured because the group decided to reject another culture.  Bonding together for protection would suggest the members of the rejecting group had no knowledge of compassion.

There is no more pitiful site than the rejected member. Left alone with no witness, there is nothing to mediate his suffering. Compassion is the connection between one and another that lets the sufferer know they are not alone.

Only when we go beyond the selfish drive to be connected for protection, can true compassion arise.

The unique thing about our human connection is that as a species we have a particuar quality of connection; as do baboons to one another, reptiles, quarks and any other species. 

We relate more to our own than to another only because our experience and conditioning is the same.

When the magician, Merlin was teaching the young Arthur to become king, he gave him the experience of being a fish, a bird, and other species he was related to, but was not.  This unique perspective transcends the hubris of human arrogance and builds compassion for all life. 

How very much our world needs to see this way, to feel this way; outside the limits of our own skin where life is sacred, profound and precious.

One of the beautiful things that came out of the 60’s experiment with consciousness was just such an expanded awareness.  Whether the shift was brought about through drugs, meditation, or any other practice that broke down the walls of our Box, the result was a generation more open, more compassionate, more forgiving than the one that came before. Not everyone who had that experience remembers it today, but human consciousness made a slight shift toward awareness beyond our own species.

The result of that shift can be seen in many areas of life today; humanitarian, ecological, protection of other species, physical health through diet,  exercise and some form of spiritual practice;  basically in a more compassionate approach to living with all other life, and to the health of the planet itself.

When we know we’re connected we care for that which is outside the boundaries of our own skin.  When we don’t know we don’t care. More on care, compassion, empathy, for the rest of this week.

the Greek Goddess Nemesis is the personification of divine justice and the vengeance of the gods, sometimes called the daughter of Night, she represents the righteous anger of the gods against the proud and haughty and against breakers of the law, distributing good or bad fortune to all mortals. No one can escape her power. This goddess helps to avenge those who are wronged.

The book of deeds; how terrifying it is to think there is such a book, and that someday we will have to face the truth of the many actions and inactions recorded there.

I would rather face a wild boar or angry client or bankruptcy, or any other physical catastrophe than to face what is in that book; to face the fact that I am responsible for each and every one of the things recorded there.

Part of me is still a child and wishes to play with no consequences; to apologize to my friend when I’ve been mean to her and go on with no further thought about my behavior.

Nemesis reminds us that whether we’re children or adults, all our choices have consequences, and if we’ve done harm, amends are required.

Isn’t it interesting that our current definition of a Nemisis is one who is against us; an enemy or foe?  Yet the root meaning is one of justice. 

What a clever criminal is the human ego who redefines the need to make amends for our mistakes as wrong, and says that we should fight that force, rather than accept and be grateful that there is a scale, by whatever name we give to it, that takes account, and

                                            it really does matter what we do!!!!

Like Wells Fargo stagecoaches that, through rain sleet or snow, promise to deliver your mail on time, each morning is a new day, and though you work diligently to control what comes in the mail, many surprises lie in wait on your doorstep.

 Will the gods be kind and deliver marvelous experiences, taking us to beautiful places with loving people, friendly animals, abundant food, beauty?

Or will they traumatize?         

Is there any rhyme or reason to what comes or doesn’t come to you? If there is a God, does He/She love you and give you goodies, or hate you and punish you with thorns?    

Do you draw to you what you believe will come through some version of self-fulfilling prophesy; create your own reality?    And what happens to the idea of a creator in that scenario?

If you are a soul transmigrating through time and have done wrong things, the packages at your door will be of your making; Karmic payback for pastlife mistakes.   

On the other hand, maybe there is simply a trickster element in the universe, like a kind of quark, whose purpose is to keep you on your toes, keep you awake, to the experience of life. 

Each surprise whether delightful or Nemetic (just made up that word, but it seems to work) is a tiny ah ha, gotcha, to remind us that whatever we believe about life and our place in it, we are not in charge!!

Maybe the only control we have is in how we respond to the packages.

And what is a Nemesis anyway? Tomorrow we shall meet her, one of the lost great goddesses maligned in western history since the Greeks fell out of favor giving way to The One God.

If the ruler of a domain is our ego selves, the fool is that archetype that turns things on their head, makes us laugh, and for a moment, forget our fear. 

Life in a physical body is fraught with danger.  Though we may not be aware of it every moment of the day, the struggle for survival is present in the body every moment of the day. Fortunately the creator of this grand experience has granted us several boons.

Like the child who puts his blanket over his head and believes his mother can’t see him, denial is an effective tool.  Another useful one is distraction; I will pay attention to acquiring things– or any number of other goals– and won’t be aware of the danger.

However, it isn’t possible to completely avoid the fact that we’re mortal and vulnerable to so many forms of suffering on the road to our final destination. 

The fool is the friend who, throughout our life, helps us to walk more lightly , knowing it is temporary and, well, he quips, why not? What have you got to lose that you’re not going to lose anyway?

Encouraging us to risk all in order to experience life fully, he represents purity of action. Only looking forward, never back, never strategizing or over thinking a movement, he seeks to discover, always willing to take a chance, come what may. The fool lives to live. He frightens us a little because nothing frightens him. He is a liberated spirit.

But . . but . . . our fearful selves object, one must not be fool-hardy.  Right-O.  And what pray tell is the difference?

If I am offered an opportunity for an adventure, my fool will say go for it no matter what, while my rational self will insist on considering the possible consequences of that adventure.  Between the two of them a decision will be made. 

If I’m in need of new life experience, I will leap.  If I’m tired, or ill-equipped at the moment to take on the challenge of an adventure, I will decline the invitation.  I would feel fool-hardy only if I didn’t consider both sides. 

I would be even more fool-hardy if I didn’t give license to the fool to take an active part in my daily life. . . who wants to be safe all the time is already dead!

What if the Big Bang were the first kiss?

Aphrodite’s favorite child is Eros, or as the Romans named him, Amour. What does it mean to be the child of the goddess of Love but that he is her messenger? When that powerful goddess chooses to unite 2 objects by sending her son with his quiver of arrows, union is assured. Eros is the connecting force sent by the essence; Aphrodite.

The planet we inhabit revolves around a sun in a spiraling galaxy. On earth, the constant creation of life depends on a cycle of seasons; each one following the other in a continual round.  For life as we know it to endure, there must be a time of birth, growth, and destruction.

Aphrodite/Eros assure creation. Without the attraction of objects to one another there would be no new life.  The earth would stop spinning; the sun, having lost an admirer, would wobble out of control in dark despair and lose its place in the galaxy; with the loss of one of its members the billions of other stars would also loss hope/connection, and very quickly, what began as a first kiss, would end in a rout of unconnected atoms.

Thus spoke an incurable romantic. 

But seriously, love connects everything– it is a force–and maybe what physics calls the electromagnetic force is what we call love. Maybe the reason that we as humans cannot resist Eros’ arrow is because it’s correct to be so humbled; to realize through the experience of inescapable attraction, we’re being moved by a greater force than our small wills, and that that force is benevolent.

Wikipedia:

• In physics, attraction may refer to gravity or to the electromagnetic force
• Interpersonal attraction – the attraction between people which leads to friendships and romantic relationships.

At the level of physics, attraction describes a force that draws 2 objects together; is that the same thing as 2 people being attracted to one another? In other words, is there volition in the apparent choice to befriend another, or is it fated ? As human beings we believe we’re choosing when we relate to another, but is that a fact, or our ego’s claiming power when it, like a leaf on the wind, is being moved by something outside its awareness? The proverbial can of worms; fate or free-will.

When shot by Eros’  arrow of love, choice is not an option; we Fall in Love.  Most of us have had the experience of that trickster character and his mischievous arrows; even the Greek God Zeus trembled at his name.  The individual ego is flooded with love/attraction for an object, and cannot stop thinking or feeling about that special other.  What suddenly made that other so attractive? We call it mystery, chemistry, projection of our idealized lover, meeting with the soul-mate, but by whatever name we call it, we are helpless to resist and like the moth to the flame, we go. Burning with desire, we becoming fools for love.

The last time Eros shot me, I determined, resolutely, that never again did I wish to be so wounded.  Though painful in youth, the experience of being overwhelmed by the need for another as an adult was excruciating.  Like body-surfing an ocean wave,  it was exhilarating but when the wave pulls you under and twirls you around and around and won’t let you up for air, it is not so much fun.

 I love to love but do not enjoy being in love.  Like Zeus I know better than to believe I can prevent Eros from shooting me, if he will, but what does that mean, and what is the difference?

Do we really ever choose who to befriend, or is it all fated, karmic? And like the extreme of Falling in Love, is all love/attraction a kind of given that we experience but do not ever actually have a choice about?

Who the heck is Eros anyway? More tomorrow.

Many cultures have several different words for the kinds of love; intimate/sexual love, love of parents, love of children, love of siblings, love of animals, love of objects, love of ideas, love of country, etc..In English there is only one and it is woefuly inadequate.  Webster would have us believe that all kinds of love are a FEELING.  

One usually has a feeling asociated with the experience of loving, but is that what love is? What if we looked at it as a verb; not as a feeling, nor limit it to the kinds of love there are?  As a verb it connects.  What kills love is disconnection; the executioner.

As a verb, love is the action of connecting two or more objects–of any kind. We are seldom, if ever, aware of the fact that every atom in the universe is connected to every other, and that applies to everything in existence. It is, we are, ALL ONE.  And since love is connection, how is it possible to kill love?

Fundamentally we cannot, but what we can do is break the conscious bond.  The unconscious bond is there all the time no matter what we do, but as humans with choice–with consciousness–we can choose to make a connection to an other that is beyond the fundamental law of the universe. 

Most of us wish to do that.  Most of us love to love and to love in all the ways love can be experienced. We enjoy caring, of having an object matter to us, and of mattering to another. 

1. The first and fastest way to kill love is to care more for the feeling than for the object we’re connecting to; self centeredness or basic narcissism.

2. Another useful tool is to strangle it by gripping the object tightly; fear of loss, another form of narcissism.

3. Then there is the tried and true ax of jealousy and possessiveness; need I repeat–narcissism.

4. Neglect works well; self-obsorption.                                                       

Love’s executioner is one’s self.  Like an ax, self-centeredness in its myriad forms separates one from the love object and breaks the conscious bond.  Love is dead.