Colette Obrien

Martin Buber in his tiny jewel of a book wrote of the I/Thou Relationship he’d come to understand as a concentration camp survivor.

Somewhere in the divide between opposites is a connector, and the connector is the Self or Soul, the light of which draws all together in harmony and balance.  One finds the Self in the effort to expand consciousness; to go beyond apparent conflict to resolution that does not diminish either side but mediates.

The Self mediating conflict.

I’ve been blessed that my dog and cat are best friends.  They chase one another around the furniture, the cat jumping up to the top of things where my dog pants from below waiting for the moment he knows his friend will jump down, and they’ll wrestle on the floor leaving piles of fur but never a nick in the skin of either. 

They are my model of resolution of difference. Each is programmed to hate the other and yet, being individuals, they choose to relate not as enemies but playmates.  And I, The Self, watch delighted, in hope for the world. 

In a post last week I spoke about the goddess Nemesis who is really a friend in the guise of an enemy.  When we are able to see in such a way, the world will be renewed; mankind will achieve its true potential.

Consciousness grows through the necessity to resolve conflict. 

A core conflict experienced as early as 1 year old is the apparent opposition of the individual and the group.  Pulled by one side and then the other, the child must struggle to realize they are not at odds but are two sides of one thing; an individual pea in a pot of peas.

Until this conflict is adequately resolved, the individual will waver from self to other and back again, constantly teetering on the razor’s edge of reason; how can it be both? If I am a member of a group I must agree with the group, but if I don’t agree I will be left out, rejected.  And human consciousness at the group level has yet to resolve this divide which forces the individual to capitulate or isolate.  Neither is a choice.

Trapped between the two, a chasm forms, that over time, deepens until the two sides are pushed further and further apart creating an insecure system.  An insecure person, by definition, is one who is uncertain as to his identity.  Such an individual, locked between the two sides of reality is incapable of seeing outside the narrow chasm his consciousness has formed within making him incapable of caring for another; the other can’t be seen as anything but a threat to his delicate balance.

Leaping into the void, recovery of self is possible, but it will appear to be a great risk.  Many of us have memories of such risk taking.  Often it will occur at puberty when the issue comes to the fore once again. If it wasn’t resolved earlier, here is another opportunity.  Healthy rebellion is that chance. 

At the dinner table my father routinely humiliated my younger brother.  At one such dinner I couldn’t remain silent any longer to the abuse we’d all witnessed for years.  My heart beating so hard I was sure it could be heard above the nervous clatter of silver ware, I spoke up for my brother. Father’s eyes glared into mine as I resolutely held my ground quaking. 

 I’ve not been more frightened since then, but I discovered the world didn’t end; everyone went back to their food and no more was said.  But I had ventured into the void and survived. I was an individual and had not been sent to solitary confinement.

Compassion from the Latin roots: com; together plus, passion; to suffer extreme emotion. Therefore to  experience compassion is  to come together in extreme suffering.

At the level of instinct all herd animals, humans included, gather together for protection.  Which can appear to be concern for the other when it is merely a  survival technique.  Fish swim in schools, buffalo in herds, geese in flocks, etc. So what is the difference between the necessity to bond to be safe and a felt “com-passion” for another? Humans are not the only herd animal with this attribute; dogs and elephants are well-known for their compassion.                                                                                                             

Cats and other animals who are solitary in nature appear more distant and uncaring.  Though many cats I’ve known have exhibited a concern for emotional suffering, it is less common and we don’t associate them with that attribute. 

What is the worst punishment if not isolation, exile, being sent away, left out, rejected? Every child lives in terror of mother turning her back on them, and by school age, a human child will do almost anything to be accepted by the group.

Group pressure is responsible for some of the most gruesome acts perpetrated by man; the many examples of ethnic cleansing throughout history occured because the group decided to reject another culture.  Bonding together for protection would suggest the members of the rejecting group had no knowledge of compassion.

There is no more pitiful site than the rejected member. Left alone with no witness, there is nothing to mediate his suffering. Compassion is the connection between one and another that lets the sufferer know they are not alone.

Only when we go beyond the selfish drive to be connected for protection, can true compassion arise.

Whether we know it or not, we’re all connected to one another, and to every other atom in the universe. 

The unique thing about our human connection is that as a species we have a particuar quality of connection; as do baboons to one another, reptiles, quarks and any other species. 

We relate more to our own than to another only because our experience and conditioning is the same.

When the magician, Merlin was teaching the young Arthur to become king, he gave him the experience of being a fish, a bird, and other species he was related to, but was not.  This unique perspective transcends the hubris of human arrogance and builds compassion for all life. 

How very much our world needs to see this way, to feel this way; outside the limits of our own skin where life is sacred, profound and precious.

One of the beautiful things that came out of the 60’s experiment with consciousness was just such an expanded awareness.  Whether the shift was brought about through drugs, meditation, or any other practice that broke down the walls of our Box, the result was a generation more open, more compassionate, more forgiving than the one that came before. Not everyone who had that experience remembers it today, but human consciousness made a slight shift toward awareness beyond our own species.

The result of that shift can be seen in many areas of life today; humanitarian, ecological, protection of other species, physical health through diet,  exercise and some form of spiritual practice;  basically in a more compassionate approach to living with all other life, and to the health of the planet itself.

When we know we’re connected we care for that which is outside the boundaries of our own skin.  When we don’t know we don’t care. More on care, compassion, empathy, for the rest of this week.

The fool is not the only agent of surprise.  Coyote and his side-kick  the trickster are all cousins in the neverending question of what will life bring next?

Like Wells Fargo stagecoaches that, through rain sleet or snow, promise to deliver your mail on time, each morning is a new day, and though you work diligently to control what comes in the mail, many surprises lie in wait on your doorstep.

 Will the gods be kind and deliver marvelous experiences, taking us to beautiful places with loving people, friendly animals, abundant food, beauty?

Or will they traumatize?         

Is there any rhyme or reason to what comes or doesn’t come to you? If there is a God, does He/She love you and give you goodies, or hate you and punish you with thorns?    

Do you draw to you what you believe will come through some version of self-fulfilling prophesy; create your own reality?    And what happens to the idea of a creator in that scenario?

If you are a soul transmigrating through time and have done wrong things, the packages at your door will be of your making; Karmic payback for pastlife mistakes.   

On the other hand, maybe there is simply a trickster element in the universe, like a kind of quark, whose purpose is to keep you on your toes, keep you awake, to the experience of life. 

Each surprise whether delightful or Nemetic (just made up that word, but it seems to work) is a tiny ah ha, gotcha, to remind us that whatever we believe about life and our place in it, we are not in charge!!

Maybe the only control we have is in how we respond to the packages.

And what is a Nemesis anyway? Tomorrow we shall meet her, one of the lost great goddesses maligned in western history since the Greeks fell out of favor giving way to The One God.

Because love is defined by Webster as; a deep and tender feeling of affection for another, and continues for a long paragraph only to describe the same thing over and over, it is no wonder we’re confused.

Many cultures have several different words for the kinds of love; intimate/sexual love, love of parents, love of children, love of siblings, love of animals, love of objects, love of ideas, love of country, etc..In English there is only one and it is woefuly inadequate.  Webster would have us believe that all kinds of love are a FEELING.  

One usually has a feeling asociated with the experience of loving, but is that what love is? What if we looked at it as a verb; not as a feeling, nor limit it to the kinds of love there are?  As a verb it connects.  What kills love is disconnection; the executioner.

As a verb, love is the action of connecting two or more objects–of any kind. We are seldom, if ever, aware of the fact that every atom in the universe is connected to every other, and that applies to everything in existence. It is, we are, ALL ONE.  And since love is connection, how is it possible to kill love?

Fundamentally we cannot, but what we can do is break the conscious bond.  The unconscious bond is there all the time no matter what we do, but as humans with choice–with consciousness–we can choose to make a connection to an other that is beyond the fundamental law of the universe. 

Most of us wish to do that.  Most of us love to love and to love in all the ways love can be experienced. We enjoy caring, of having an object matter to us, and of mattering to another. 

1. The first and fastest way to kill love is to care more for the feeling than for the object we’re connecting to; self centeredness or basic narcissism.

2. Another useful tool is to strangle it by gripping the object tightly; fear of loss, another form of narcissism.

3. Then there is the tried and true ax of jealousy and possessiveness; need I repeat–narcissism.

4. Neglect works well; self-obsorption.                                                       

Love’s executioner is one’s self.  Like an ax, self-centeredness in its myriad forms separates one from the love object and breaks the conscious bond.  Love is dead.

 Where I live on a mountain songbirds are unusual, yet as of three days ago, a beautiful singer has wakened me each morning. The sound is delirious and draws me happily from my bed.  Hope does spring eternal, he seems to say, and believing him, I venture once again into the world with a light step, wondering what this day will bring.

 How is this possible after 60 years of days to still be so inspired?

Writing about Snow White in the last post, I suggested that being open and accepting whatever comes -which doesn’t mean we have to like it, by the way–is a way of living that has merit.

 The songbird reminds me of the attitude life has; life as an object like myself which has it’s likes and dislikes; it’s seasons, its moods(the weather), yet in that continual round Life always returns to spring and spring is hope eternal. Not each moment, for there are the other attitudes as well, but it always returns and no matter how sad, or dejected or discouraged or tired I am, it will return eventually and I will hear the song bird and be glad to be here and curious about this day.

Troubadours, those classic purveyors of song, grace the woods with their melodies and call us to venture once again into the unknown; into spring where we may be foolish again, we may be careless, as in Camelot; the Lusty Month of May: when everyone throws self-control away. And everyone makes divine mistakes.

May our mistakes be divine; that is, accepted, as we traipse(spelling?)through the tulips yet again in search of love.

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Being a Gemini, a woman, and an artist, one of my favorite pastimes is doing several things at once. Right now I’m writing this post, cooking beef stew,  and watching  Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs .  Made in 1937 , it is one of the first full length animation features, but the story is far older.  Originating in Northern Europe where the Brothers Grimm heard it and wrote it down after generations of being handed down by word of mouth at the fire in the evening, it is a timeless story of human life. 

Snow White, the image of the young feminine; innocent, beautiful, curious, loving, and above all; accepting of everything that comes into her life, exemplifies the archetypal process of life which includes encountering the dark side; those things that we call “unacceptable.”   Snow White accepts everything, including the dark, and though it appears at first that she made a mistake to let acceptance be her guide, in the end she triumphs. What are the factors that bring about that triumph? The seven dwarfs are elements of her unconscious that protect her; Doc-intelligence, Sneezy-physical sensitivety, Dopey- the fool, Bashful- emotional sensitivity, Grumpy-the cynic, Happy- the optimist, Sleepy-the unconscious.

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 The individual Self (Snow White in this case) accepts the witch/queen, with an open heart. That naivete will apparently be the end of her, however, aided by the sub-personalities(the seven dwarfs) a protective coffin is built, through which she can still be seen, so that eventually her love finds her and brings her back to life.  In other words, love can never die, hope can never end, acceptance breeds life.

Living with an open heart, we are able to take in all that life brings.  All things become possible.  When the heart is closed, nothing is possible.

Rejection is defined as; to throw away, to refuse to take. To reject something is to attempt to exclude it from the whole.

A popular idea in modern culture is that “we’re all one”.  Assuming this to be the case, it follows that to “exclude something from the whole isn’t possible.  We can wish it wasn’t so; we can try to throw it away, but where is away? Everything that is, is.  If it isn’t possible what actually occurs when we reject?

Rejecting physical objects isn’t too problematic. I throw away garbage from my house to the recycle bin, and it’s taken away to the dump.( A great word for the place where rejected objects end up.) The objects are still part of the whole but are no longer in my house.

When I reject a person the trouble with rejection begins to show itself.  If I’m someone who’s aware of responsibility to other’s feelings, I will experience guilt with the rejection of another and that creates pressure on my mind.

The trouble is even more obvious with mental objects; ideas, beliefs, concepts.  When I reject an idea where does it go? The great dump in the sky? No, it goes to the personal unconscious. I may no longer be conscious of the idea I rejected, but because it’s still part of my psyche, it still has influence.  As with guilt, pressure occurs. We might even say that the consequence of rejection is guilt.

Every person, place, thing, idea, concept the mind has rejected causes a judgement to form which is the pressure to constantly reject that object; to keep it in its place in the unconscious.  When an object has been pushed out of the house– out of our conscious awareness–it is still part of the whole, since everything that is, is.  But like the physical dump, we can smell it. Everything rotting in that dump is perceived by the environment, and like the state of the earth today, on the verge of disastor, our individual psyche’s become unhealthy dump sights.

Acceptance has the opposite effect; the conscious mind has no pressure from an overfilled unconscious–the dump. It is open and free to observe without judgement as judgment derives from the rejected objects.

Acceptance is not a passive state but one of inclusion that, when necessary, discerns if an object is garbage and needs to go to the dump or if it can be tolerated and remain in the house. More later on acceptance.

Which side of the bed do you want to wake up on?

Wakened from the dreamworld to the rising of the sun (even if it’s behind clouds) opportunity calls like a bugle at revely.  What will this day bring, for every day is new? 

How we greet it is up to us. Do we view it  with dread that more will be asked of us than we feel capable of managing; with a sigh of boredom that this day will be like hundreds of others, a repetition of mundane activity; tired, heavy, physically unwell do we pull the covers back over our heads and wish the sun did not rise; or with hope and anticipation of adventure and exploration. 

Attitude is everything.

However, how much control do we actually have over the outlook we wake up with? The old saying, “He got up on the wrong side of the bed” has merit.  Today I woke up on the right side and greeted the day with optimism and joy, but that is not the case everyday. So what determines which side of the bed I get up on?

Health, rest, chemical balance, hormones, dreams, fears, worries, negative or positive patterns of thought  . . .   including unseen influences outside our awareness; astrology, elemental shifts in the earth, cycles of the moon, the weather . . . !!! So many things influence which side of the bed we get up on that it seems virtually impossible to name the reason or reasons for a sunny attitude versus a dark one.   

It appears we have little choice, yet though we are at the effect of so many different things, we also determine many of them ourselves, and it is to that list we must look for help to find the way to choosing our attitude.

The List:

1. Good diet, exercise, and rest. Knowing our individual chemical and hormonal balance, and monitoring changes over time. Avoiding habits that harm physical well-being.

2. Getting to know and take care of emotional needs. Saying “no” to overextending.

3. Maintaining mental fitness through stimulation; learning new things, dialogue to exchange ideas and some form of mindful practice like meditation to learn how to control thoughts. 

What we control is what we take in and what we keep out of our body/mind. 

As for the rest . . . learn to accept. Tomorrow; acceptance, what is it?