Colette Obrien

Another old adage; “if at first you don’t succeed, try try again.

In the space between difficulties; moments of adoration.  This day is so beautiful, so beyond beautiful everything in me, every cell it seems, wraps itself around the wonder devouring it; unable to give enough say enough breath enough; an orgasm of the entire being, body and soul; the drive to merge all with the all, to go so far into the wonder of the day that I no longer exist.

As soon as I put words to the experience, I appear again as separate from that that I wish to become.  Yet, the need to express is as great as is the need to merge.  Individual and relationship locked in their eternal dance; lovely and so different from one another; not better but ‘other’.  It is another way of experiencing the Tao, the eternal dance of opposites.  Kabir’s “Held by the cords of love, the swing of the Ocean of Joy sways to and fro; and a mighty sound breaks forth in song. Mingle the double currents of love and detachment.”

And in this case; the individual and the all.

Voila! It worked once, will it work twice? What a rush of freedom when I was able to put in the last blog entry myself.  I do seem to move from one problem to another however. Life; one problem following quickly on the heals of another? Joy and sorrow mingling.  The moments of ease pass quickly into difficulty again. No need to list the new difficulties, just know it is so.  I’m going to go see if this works.

I may or may not have solved my blog entry difficulty. Closer but, as the old adage goes “no cigar.” Where did that one come from I wonder. Does anyone know? Speaking of old, I find myself irresistibly drawn to the past, not mine but all of our pasts; to human history.  There was a time in my own history when I couldn’t get enough of our ancient stories, but lately the draw is much closer to home; to the world wars in Europe and to my country’s roots in Europe. I wonder why the change in interest; I wonder why the interest at all. Do I look for something that isn’t in my world? Is it a compensation, and if so, what am I reaching for? A simpler time, a time of higher values, of working together for a cause, of families close to one another throughout their lives, not separated by hundreds or thousands of miles, for the sake of ambition; ambition for success in the world, for money, for things. Have we traded all that is truly valuable in life for things of far less value? I am becoming like my grandmother who, in the last 20 years of her life was famous for her stories of her parents and grandparents; of how they lived and the changes she’d seen in the 70 years she’d been alive. However, she didn’t complain about what the world had become, she accepted it, but she did keep the past alive for us and for that I’m grateful.  I will try not to complain, but rather remember that nothing is ever lost but only needs to be ‘re-called’ to be drawn back into the light.

What would I re-call? Community working together, families in and out of one another’s lives, if not daily, then at least more often than the requisite yearly visit, most of all that our connections to one another are recognized as more important than anything else.  I think that is the key one that I would recall. I remember years ago my eyes welling up as I watched families interacting in India with an ease and naturalness that I’d never experienced myself. How I longed to be known and to know others in such an intimate way where there was no thought as one reached an arm around another as to whether they would welcome it or if it was correct. Thoughtless intimacy is learned in infancy if it is learned at all.

Key word; intimacy.  Recall intimacy please; that ease of connection that arises naturally.  A friend once said “all infants deserve love.”  A human right? No, I believe it is more a life right.  All animals have it, what happened to the animal that we are?

I have been writing for several days now, what is meant to be a blog but which is not yet going anywhere but to my computer screen. I am so envious of the generation below me that grew up with computers; I am learning but ever so slowly it seems, and this latest challenge – my blog connection—continues to elude me. That said, as difficult as the learning is, I adore the possibilities and so persevere into the jungle/mine-field/ haystack with its hidden needle, to accomplish each new step. For fundamentally I believe it will work and that makes all the difference between moving forward toward a goal and batting one’s head against a brick wall. The brick wall is what we don’t believe in but stubbornly try to accomplish anyway. Unfortunately, too often one is not aware of the difference and hurts their head. My original vision on this particular path was a website to share my work with a larger audience. I could see it and so believed in it. If I’d kept a blog for that time, I’m certain that I’d have discouraged most readers, fortunately I did not. It has taken three months of grueling, frustrating, infuriating climbing to reach this point. There is no doubt in my mind that most of that waste of energy was due to my fumbling around in the haystack. Yet, here we are and the site is up, but I’m not yet telling anyone because I can’t get this &^%$#@() blog inserted properly into my site. For all of you over 40’s who want to play in the modern world, take heart, if I can do it so can you and it’s so important. Our communication forms have changed, and like going to a foreign culture, if we’re going to communicate we must learn the language.

It appears that the clouds are not through with us, settling in for a longer visit, unusual for this early in the season, but not unwelcome. When nature is doing her washing like Tom Bombadil’s lady skipping beside the River Withywindle, I find myself collecting treasures to bring inside; mossy branches, dried leaves, pinecones I close the drapes early, light candles, put on music and gather art supplies around the fireplace, pour a glass of wine and light the fire, ready for the guest to arrive. Rumi says, “Stars burn clear all night till dawn. Do that yourself, and a spring will rise in the dark with water your deepest thirst is for.” We’ll see.